Rainbow Baby – Lexi-May Brooke
We are in a very strange time at the moment, all in lockdown due to Covid-19. It is a time where rainbows are everywhere. Hand drawn and painted rainbows are displayed proudly in windows reminding us that there is always a rainbow after the storm……there is ALWAYS …. HOPE.
A Rainbow Baby is just such a special baby, a mixture of sadness and happiness all in one tiny little person. A little bit of hope in what has been a dark and stormy time. A “Rainbow Baby” is a term that is used to describe a baby who born into a family following a previous pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage, premature birth, still birth, or infant death. The rainbow symbolises the hope that this new baby brings to the family without forgetting the impact of the storm of losing a child.
Baby Loss by miscarriage is something which is very close to my heart and something which happens to more people than you would imagine. It is also a subject that is rarely spoken about. Since the beginning of 2019, I have offered one FREE Rainbow Mini Shoot every month in memory of, and to honour my own Rainbow Twins. And also to shine a light onto a subject which is not often spoken about. Currently, I cannot say when I will be able to continue offering these Free Rainbow Mini Shoots for special babies as these are not possible under social distancing measures. But as soon as I am able, these will continue.
Our latest Rainbow baby to grace our blog is the gorgeous Lexi-May Brooke. Here is her Mummy, Shannon’s Story.
In 2018 I met the love of my life, everything was so perfect. I felt like I had known him my whole life and I couldn’t have been happier. It wasn’t long into the relationship I found out I was pregnant, and we were both over the moon with joy. It would be my second pregnancy as I already had a daughter from a previous relationship.
But after a couple weeks of knowing I was pregnant I had a small bleed. I went for a early scan and got told the baby still had a healthy heart beat and was about 7 weeks, but there was a small bleed outside the sac. At this point we didn’t know what was going to happen. Anyways we made it to 12 weeks still with the bleeding going on. We found out quite early about 15 weeks that we were having a little boy.
At only 18 weeks pregnant my waters went, I was so scared I thought my little boy was coming. I was hospitalised for a few days, so I could be closely monitored. My stay in hospital was horrible, I got told my little boy wouldn’t make it, or I could have an abortion before the worse happens. My heart shattered into pieces, my head was spinning. But I knew deep down we could do this, and my little boy was strong enough to make it.
I had to have regular blood test to make sure I didn’t get any infections, because there wasn’t any sac around baby. A few more times I was hospitalised as my infection mark was high, so I was kept in as had to have antibiotics through a drip. Weeks passed and the pregnancy was still going strong. We were all so happy and couldn’t wait to meet our strong little solider.
On the 8th July 2018 it was such a lovely afternoon we decided to go for a walk around Brockhill Park, we had lots of smiles and giggles and even took a picture of us all including the bump. But what I didn’t realise that would be the last picture of us together. That night we all got into bed like normal, I had a bit of dull pain but that was normal throughout the whole pregnancy. But a few hours later the pain got worse, at this point I didn’t know what was going on as in my head I wasn’t going to give birth to my little boy until I was full term.
In the end the pain got so bad we decided it would be best to go to hospital to get checked. I got told I wasn’t in labour but could be like false contractions as my infection mark had gone up. They put me in a ward and gave me more antibiotics. They sent me for a scan to make sure everything was okay. At that point I didn’t expect to see my baby boy for the last time breathing. We came out of the scan and got told everything was okay and he was still breathing.
A few hours passed and the pain got a lot worse, in the end I felt like I needed to push. Midwife’s told me not to as he wasn’t coming but I knew he was. Only a few short moments after that, my baby boy, Ethan was born on the 9th July 2018. I was so excited to see him or hear him cry…… but 40 minutes later I got told he didn’t make it. I couldn’t believe it, my heart had shattered. I was then rushed down to theatre as my placenta had come away. But all I could think about was my baby boy. I didn’t want it to be true. I remember waking up the next morning in a hospital bed with Ethan lying in a little Moses basket at the end of my bed. It was heart breaking and the worst time of my life.
A few weeks passed and we were all trying to come to terms with losing our little boy. We had a post mortem done, and had the results back. Ethan had got an infection through the placenta that got to his lungs. It was horrible as it felt as if it was all my fault. Every day after Ethan passed nothing felt right, I felt guilty for getting on with my life. But I knew I had to for my little girl. She was heartbroken too, so it was my place to look after her and make her see the light at the end of the tunnel.
After Christmas 2018 I felt like I was ready to try again, I knew it would take time and I was ready for that. A few weeks later, I missed a period, I was so excited, but so anxious at the same time. I did a test a week after Valentine’s Day 2019 and I was pregnant!!! My partner and I were over the moon, but I knew it was too soon to be excited.
Every day was an anxious wait, as I always expected the worse to happen. I was nervous and always thought the baby wouldn’t make it. We kept it quiet and didn’t tell anyone until we were past that 12 week mark. Every day which passed was a relief, but we still knew how far we had to go. At 15 weeks we had a private scan to find out if our little rainbow baby was a girl or a boy. It was a girl! We were all so pleased, but still didn’t make things easier.
Each day which passes was a blessing. Having a rainbow baby isn’t easy or as joyful as everyone thinks, it’s even harder. As you have more worry going around in your head, always thinking the worse is going to happen. Let’s move forward to near the end.
Everything was going so perfect, and I couldn’t wait until she was here. I got a surprise phone call from Tracey-Anne to tell me I had been nominated for the free Rainbow Mini Shoot by my cousin and had been selected. When Tracey told me about the shoot I couldn’t wait, I was excited to make memories of my rainbow baby.
Anyway on the 7th November 2019 I got induced at the William Harvey, where I lost my beautiful baby boy. I felt so anxious being back there, and about to have another baby. Every hour ticked by and I got even nervous. But on the 8th November my little girl was born at 8.15 weighing 8 pounds and ounces. She was healthy and just so perfect. I couldn’t wait to take her home and to show her off.
The day of the photo shoot came I was so excited, but so anxious at the same time. I was worried about other people I didn’t know holding her. Unfortunately I couldn’t make it to the shoot, but really wanted her to have these pictures done so we would have some lovely memories of her when she was newborn. So my mum and older sister took her to the shoot and said how lovely and wonderful Tracey-Anne was. They said the photo shoot was amazing and how perfect every picture took was. I couldn’t thank Tracey-Anne enough for the beautiful pictures she took, I have so many lovely memories to treasure forever.