A “Rainbow Baby” is a term that is used to describe a baby who born into a family following a previous pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage, premature birth, still birth, or infant death. The rainbow symbolises the hope that this new baby brings to the family without forgetting the impact of the storm of losing a child.
Baby Loss by miscarriage is something which is very close to my heart and something which happens to more people than you would imagine. It is also a subject that is rarely spoken about. This year, I made a commitment to photograph one Rainbow Baby every month for FREE!! My aim being to bring this make this a subject that we speak about and share more….and to honour my own Rainbow Twins. So here is our next little Rainbow…… Jaxon Matthew and his Mummy’s story.
We got together in 2008. We wanted to start straight away trying for a baby. Being younger we didn’t think that it would take us long. But we didn’t conceive for the 1st time until we had been trying for 8 months. And we only found out I was pregnant for sure was when I was having a miscarriage. It is hard having to go to the doctors to confirm that I was pregnant. They said I was about 8 weeks and could see 2 separate gestational sacs so we had lost twins. It was so hard going through it. We didn’t stop trying really and 11 months later I fell pregnant again. When I took a test it came up straight away. 2 pink lines. I was so scared that we would lose this baby like the last 2. And at 7 weeks pregnant I had a bleed we went and got checked out and on the scan we seen this tiny little thing and inside a tiny beating heart. We were so relieved that the baby was okay. Our rainbow baby #1 was born April 2010 and she is a beautiful girl today. We always wanted more and with our trouble, we started trying again when our daughter was 4 months old. In 2012, I thought I might be pregnant, but the test was so faint that you hardly thought it was there. I wasn’t getting my hopes up until I saw darker lines. A day later I started having another miscarriage. From 2013 until 2014 I had another 3 miscarriages. All the pregnancy tests showed the similar faint lines and then bleeding a few days later. I got to the point where I stopped telling anyone I thought I might be pregnant. Through this time we had been to the doctors had all the tests and told that I had secondary infertility. That pretty much my womb is just killing everything that ends up there and we had less than 1% of a chance of baby. I could only go on one fertility treatment as we already had a child and that was Clomid. We did our 6 months of these and not once did I fall pregnant. We had no hope of anymore help. In 2015 I had the same again, a faint test but something felt different & I was in so much pain but I wasn’t bleeding. And it seemed to be getting worse and worse. I went to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. On the day of the scan I had started to bleed so knew that I was having yet another miscarriage that made 5. At the scan it showed that the baby had implanted in my tube. It was an ectopic pregnancy. I was so lucky though that it was so close to the opening of the tube so I didn’t have to have surgery. Just another scan to make sure it had gone. That last miscarriage I had was on the day before my father’s funeral in 2017. I just couldn’t cope with any more loss. It was heartbreaking and I couldn’t do it anymore. It was mentally exhausting and having suffered with depression for a few years, probably because of all we had gone through. I had told my husband that I felt we were just destined to have our daughter and that I really didn’t want anymore. But 6 months after our last loss, I wasn’t feeling right. It’s funny because I was booked in to get the implant put in when my next cycle started as well. I didn’t think it could be a pregnancy, but brought a cheap test to rule it out before i went to the doctors. And just like when i was pregnant with my daughter those 2 pink lines came up immediately. I was at work and was now panicking was this really it or was I going to be going through the heartbreak yet again. It felt different from all the rest though so I told my husband. Low and behold 6 weeks into the pregnancy, I started to bleed. I got hold of the early pregnancy unit and they booked us in for a scan. They could see the gestational sac, but no heartbeat. I felt devastated but they said as I had stopped bleeding that it didn’t look bad. We got booked in a week later to see if it had grown at all. The next scan we were so scared, but as soon as the baby came up on the screen I felt instant relief. There right in the middle was the tiny little heartbeat I was so happy. On 10th February 2019 I brought our son into the world after 8 years, 5 losses, an ectopic pregnancy and a lot of heartache and worry. He is perfect and is truly our rainbow baby. I still look at him and can’t believe he is ours.